The Time of Our Lives

Announcer: And now, Adventures in Odyssey. Kids Radio presents another episode of The Twilight Zone.
Narrator: Do not adjust your radio. We are in control. You are about to enter a different place, and yet one that isn't so different. It's a dimension of sight and sound and of mind, a land of shadows, substance, and a lot of weirdness. You've just crossed over into The Twilight Zone. We present for your consideration, Cathy, a 13-year-old girl with a big heart and big dreams. The only thing bigger is her love for that melting pot of merchandise, the mall. Her first love is hanging around in mall stores, soaking in mall atmosphere, and wasting time in mallish kinds of ways. But today Cathy will find that the time she spends in the mall will be time she couldn't afford to waste. When she goes into a fashion store but comes out in The Twilight Zone.
Cathy: I just need to go to one more store.
Julie: Cathy, there aren't any more stores left. We've been to every one and you haven't even bought anything.
Cathy: Wait.
Cathy: Look, the music store got a new piano. I got to try it.
Julie: You've got to.
Cathy: Look at it, Julie. It's gorgeous.
Julie: Are you allowed to play on that?
Cathy: The keys feel great.
Julie: That's really pretty.
Cathy: I'm going to play this at Carnegie Hall one day.
Julie: Carnegie Hall?
Cathy: Big concert hall. Thousands of people come to hear the best musicians in the world.
Julie: And you're going to play there?
Cathy: You bet.
Julie: Let's go.
Cathy: I'm also going to have that song played at my wedding.
Julie: Oh, that's right. When you marry Kyle Chambers.
Cathy: Yep.
Julie: You don't even have a topic for all reports next Thursday. How do you know what you're going to do in 10 years?
Cathy: Oh, that's the shop I want to go in.
Julie: Fine, I'll just wait here.
Cathy: All right.
Julie: Don't be long.
Cathy: So you think those pants will go on sale later this month?
Store Clerk (Female): Well, it's hard to say, but these things do go in cycles.
Cathy: All right, I'll be back then.
Store Clerk (Female): Fine, we'll see you, Cathy.
Cathy: Julie.
Cathy: Julie.
Julie: Where did she go?
Cathy: Julie.
Julie: Cathy?
Cathy: Who are you?
Julie: Julie. Were you calling me?
Cathy: No. I was calling Julie Phillips. She was right here.
Julie: What are you talking about? I'm Julie Phillips.
Cathy: Is this a joke?
Julie: What joke?
Cathy: Come on. How did you do that?
Julie: Cathy, what's your problem?
Cathy: You look like you're about 20.
Julie: I'm 23, Cathy, just like you.
Cathy: What?
Cathy: This is a joke. I'm not 23, I'm 13. I know. You're a cousin who looks like an older version of Julie.
Julie: Look, I don't have time for this.
Cathy: You're wearing a different outfit too. All right. Come out, Julie. Joke's over.
Julie: Cathy, come here. Look. Look in this mirror. Do you look like a 13-year-old?
Cathy: What happened?
Julie: You really need to get out of the mall more often. You're going stir-crazy.
Cathy: But, but I'm old.
Julie: Not old. Just 23.
Cathy: I've aged like 10 years. This is a dream. I'm having a dream.
Julie: No, you're not.
Cathy: But I went into that store and I was 13. You're telling me now I'm 23? I spent 10 years in that store?
Guest (Male): Hey, look, it's the mall lady. Hey, mall lady. Where can I find a good sale on tennis shoes?
Julie: Burrow's, 40% off.
Guest (Male): Thanks.
Cathy: Mall lady? Why did they call me that?
Julie: You don't know?
Cathy: Because I'm at the mall all the time?
Julie: Sorry you had to hear it from me. Look, I have to go. I have to get some last-minute things done for the wedding. But please, Cathy, get some therapy.
Cathy: Wait a minute. Wedding? What wedding?
Julie: I'm getting married this afternoon.
Cathy: You're getting married?
Julie: You didn't get the invitation?
Cathy: No.
Julie: I sent it to the mall office. You're invited if you want to come. I think your mom will be there. It's at the church.
Cathy: You're getting married?
Julie: Well, you're obviously having some sort of shopping breakdown, so I'm going to head on out. Don't worry if you can't come to the wedding. I'm sure you have things to buy.
Cathy: Okay, I'll see you. This is a nightmare. I'm going home. I got to get home.
Cathy: Thank goodness, they're home. Mom! Dad!
Old Man: Who are you?
Cathy: Who are you? Where are my parents?
Old Man: Well, they're not in here. What are you doing in my house?
Cathy: This is my house.
Old Man: It most certainly is not.
Cathy: Let me talk to my dad. Where is he?
Old Man: Get out of my kitchen. Are you nuts?
Cathy: Hey, this is my house. I don't care what you say, I live here.
Old Man: I see here. We have lived in this house for seven years and I have never seen you before. Although you look a little bit like a lady I see at the mall all the time. Now I want you out of my house this instant.
Cathy: I can't believe this. This isn't happening.
Old Man: Out!
Cathy: Do you know the Rogers?
Old Man: Never heard of them.
Cathy: The Johnsons next door?
Old Man: No! Out!
Cathy: Is everybody? Wait a minute. The wedding!
Old Man: I want you off my porch too.
Cathy: Julie!
Julie: Oh, hi, Cathy. Did you get enough to eat?
Cathy: Yeah, thanks. It was a beautiful wedding. Have you seen my parents?
Julie: Sorry, I haven't.
Cathy: I can't find them anywhere. Or anybody else that looks familiar to me.
Julie: You're still kind of out of it, aren't you? I have the name of a good therapist. In fact, he's sitting right over there.
Cathy: No, no thanks. Maybe later.
Julie: Why don't you go have some punch? Relax, have a good time.
Cathy: Yeah, sure. Congratulations, Julie. How am I supposed to relax?
Kyle: Cathy?
Cathy: I'm sorry. I really need to. Kyle Chambers?
Kyle: Cathy Rogers, no way. I haven't seen you in years. How are you?
Cathy: I'm great. Wow, you look so grown up.
Kyle: Yeah, it's been a while. I've been in Chicago for, eight years. So what have you been doing?
Cathy: Well, not much, really.
Kyle: So, how's your family? I know your sister had a baby.
Cathy: Joanne? No way.
Kyle: She didn't? I could have sworn I got a birth announcement in the mail.
Cathy: You did? Oh, now that you mention it, actually, she did have a baby. Yeah, sure she did.
Kyle: What's the baby's name again? It started with a D.
Cathy: It's Denise. Denise.
Kyle: I thought it was a boy.
Cathy: Right, Dennis. That's what I said.
Kyle: That's not what you said.
Cathy: It's kind of what I said.
Kyle: Yeah, I suppose. Well, it's, it's good to see you here. That's a pretty dress.
Cathy: My dress? Oh yeah, I got this at McMillan's on the clearance rack. I'd seen it before, but it was always just out of my reach financially. Then it was half off. A great buy. It's 65% acetate, 25% rayon, and 10% nylon. I love that combination.
Kyle: What's so funny? It's just that you remember the exact material makeup of your dress, but you don't remember your nephew's name.
Cathy: I've been a little distracted.
Kyle: I noticed. Well, look, I need to get back to the wife. She's probably wondering where her punch is, so.
Cathy: Your wife?
Kyle: Yeah, Amanda. I don't think you've ever met her.
Cathy: You're married?
Kyle: Yeah, you want to meet her?
Cathy: How could you do that?
Kyle: Do what?
Cathy: You always said you were going to marry me.
Kyle: Cathy, that was 10 years ago.
Cathy: Still, you promised.
Kyle: I can't believe you're bringing this up.
Cathy: And I can't believe you could marry another girl.
Kyle: How can you say that? I wanted it to work out between us. I tried to call you so many times. You were never home. You never answered my messages. You were always at the mall. It wasn't like you acted very interested. What did you expect?
Cathy: I don't know.
Kyle: I mean, excuse me for saying this, Cathy, but why don't you get out of the mall and get back to reality for once in your life.
Mrs. Singer: Well, if it isn't the mall lady.
Cathy: Mrs. Singer.
Mrs. Singer: Excuse me for interrupting.
Kyle: It's okay. It's okay. I was just leaving. Have I seen you before?
Mrs. Singer: Well, I'm Martha Singer. I was Cathy's piano teacher.
Kyle: That's right. Well, it's good to see you again. Well, Cathy, take care and have a good life.
Mrs. Singer: I certainly didn't expect to see you here, Cathy. Is the mall closed?
Cathy: Look, Mrs. Singer, I don't know what happened.
Mrs. Singer: Oh, you're a waste, Cathy, and I can hardly bear to look at you knowing what you could have been. I had such high hopes for you. You could have been a concert pianist. You probably can't even play anymore, can you?
Cathy: Yes, I can.
Mrs. Singer: How? The mall doesn't have a piano store anymore. You can't practice.
Cathy: Please, stop it. I can play.
Mrs. Singer: I'd like to see that.
Cathy: Fine. Where's a piano?
Cathy: There it is. Next to the pulpit. I'll show you. I can still play.
Mrs. Singer: I certainly hope you can, Cathy. It would be nice to see you haven't wasted away to completely nothing.
Cathy: Okay.
Cathy: Nothing is coming to me.
Mrs. Singer: Maybe it will if you start playing.
Cathy: Yeah. Yeah, maybe it will.
Cathy: I can't do it.
Mrs. Singer: Try again.
Cathy: I can't do it. I can't play the piano anymore. What happened to me, Mrs. Singer? I wasted my life. 10 years are gone. I spent it at the mall. I have no friends, no future, I'm nothing.
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Narrator: We present for your consideration, Jeremy. Jeremy has spent 10 and a half of his 12 years, frozen to a recliner in his living room, in front of the television. His life is a random journey through the numbers on a remote control device. But today, Jeremy will be forced to put down his remote control device and finally look squarely at his pathetic little life when he enters The Twilight Zone.
Chipmunk (Dad): Now, Chipmunk, tell me the truth. Did you burn down Mrs. Wilson's house?
Jeremy: Dad, it was an accident, honest.
Chipmunk (Dad): I know, son, but you shouldn't be playing with those acetylene torches. Chipmunk, when will you ever learn?
Cop: Freeze, police!
Jeremy: What is it? What?
Cop: Turn it off.
Jeremy: What?
Cop: The TV, turn it off.
Jeremy: Yes, sir.
Cop: Get out of the chair.
Jeremy: Yes, sir.
Cop: Put down the remote. Ford, go check the other rooms for more contraband.
Ford: Yes, sir.
Jeremy: Contraband? What's that?
Cop: Don't get smart with me, recliner man. You're in enough trouble already.
Jeremy: For what?
Cop: Watching TV.
Jeremy: What are you talking about?
Cop: Guess you don't follow the news, huh? Television watching is now a state offense.
Jeremy: What?
Cop: Experts have found TV watching to be a complete waste of time and detrimental to the welfare of society.
Ford: Nothing else, Sergeant. This is the only TV in the house.
Cop: All right, grab this one and let's go.
Jeremy: I can't watch TV at all.
Cop: Oh, panicking, are we? Why don't you try reading a book, much brain boy.
Jeremy: A book?
Cop: Yeah, it's kind of like a TV guide, except it's longer, and the words go all the way across the page instead of in columns. See you later. Let's go, Ford.
Ford: Right behind you, Sergeant.
Jeremy: This is no big deal. I can handle this. I'll just, yeah, I'll read a book. There's got to be a book around here somewhere. Maybe, the bookshelf. Ah, here's one. Moby Dick. I've heard of this. I'll just sit down in the recliner and have a nice read. I can do this. Chapter one. Call me Ishmael. I can't do this. Maybe I can. I know. I need physical labor. I'll get out and do some yard work. Maybe pull some weeds or something. I need gloves. Garage. I can do this. Can't really think about TV if I'm pulling up weeds, right? Gloves. Hey, what's this? It's a TV. My old portable TV. Maybe I can kind of turn it on for a bit. Oh, that's better.
TV Voice: So I used a coconut, a bamboo shoot, a seashell, and some pineapple juice, and I created this complete computer with modem hookup. Now we can communicate with the mainland.
Cop: Freeze! Drop the TV!
Jeremy: What?
Cop: Didn't take us seriously, huh? Typical. I should have realized he'd have a battery-operated portable stash somewhere. You're coming with us, kid.
Jeremy: Where?
Cop: Downtown.
Jeremy: Oh no, I'm not.
Jeremy: You got out the back way.
Ford: He's got the TV with him.
Cop: Call for backup. I'm going after him.
Guest (Male): Watch this, honey. I hooked up a 727 jet engine block up to the back of our leaf blower. We could strip the paint off the house with this baby. Here it goes.
Chipmunk (Dad): Chim. What will you ever learn?
Jeremy: Oh no, a cliff. I'm trapped.
Cop: There he is. Freeze!
Ford: I'm frozen.
Jeremy: Drop the TV.
Ford: Not down the cliff. Not the. There goes the evidence.
Cop: Let it go, Ford. Well, well. A valiant effort, Mr. law-breaking guy. But now you got nowhere to go. You've got a 2,000 foot cliff behind you and a cop with 30 years of fugitive catching experience in front of you.
Jeremy: Look, all I want to do is watch TV.
Cop: I don't care. You're coming with us.
Jeremy: I'll go after that TV before I go with you.
Cop: You going to jump?
Jeremy: I might.
Cop: Let's stop playing games.
Jeremy: One step closer and I'll jump.
Cop: Okay, enough of this.
Jeremy: You jumped.
Ford: What a fool.
Cop: Crazy thing about it is, even if he survives the fall, there's no way that TV did. That's getting teamed together.
Ford: Well, you don't think he really survived that, do you?
Cop: All I know is that kid really wants to watch TV. Nothing would surprise me.
Cop: Okay, people, we've got a fugitive on the loose, and we're not going to rest until we've searched every townhouse, farmhouse, doghouse, outhouse, haunted house, halfway house, fish house, shrimp house, shrimp Creole, shrimp salad, Cajun shrimp, fried shrimp, shrimp flambeau, steak and shrimp.
Ford: Sarge.
Cop: I'm not done, Ford. Shrimp gumbo, shrimp scampi.
Ford: Sir, we found him.
Cop: Really?
Ford: We got a helicopter shining on him. He's heading for the state line.
Cop: Does he have a television with him?
Ford: No.
Cop: Must not have survived the fall. That means he's desperate. Let's go. We have to catch him before he gets across the line.
Jeremy: Honey, great coffee. Did you grind this yourself? No, dear. This is pure Libyan coffee. I don't believe it. The state line. Got to make it to the state line before prime time. Uh-oh.
Cop: Give yourself up, fugitive guy. There are three other helicopters surrounding you at this very moment. There's no escape.
Jeremy: It's going to take a lot more than four helicopters to stop me from crossing that line.
Cop: Don't force me to jump out of this thing.
Jeremy: He won't do it.
Cop: Going somewhere, running boy? Almost made it. Over there, you could have watched all the TV your little heart desired. But now it comes down to just you and me.
Jeremy: Please, please. I'll never cause any trouble again. Just one hour, that's all I want.
Cop: Unbelievable. Look at yourself, kid. You jump off a cliff, flee from the law, risk certain imprisonment, and for what? Television. Your whole life is TV. You've never amounted to anything. Never done anything. I'm not going to arrest you. You go on across the line. It's punishment enough to make you go on wallowing in your pitiful muck of a life. See you around, kid.
Jeremy: My pitiful muck of a life.
Announcer (Female): Want to contact us about the episode you're hearing? Visit our website at adventuresinodyssey.com or talk to someone at Focus on the Family. Call 1-800-A-FAMILY, with a parent's permission, of course. We always love hearing from you.
Narrator: Jeremy and Cathy, two children faced with the realization that they have wasted their lives in dismal proportions. Now they are 30 years older, adults, looking back on everything they missed, wondering what might have been, wishing they could escape their past in The Twilight Zone.
Jeremy: My name is Jeremy White and I am a time waster.
Group: Hi, Jeremy.
Jeremy: I like TV. Now, Jeremy, tell the truth. I love TV. I live TV. I have six TVs at home, plus a portable one I keep in the car for stoplights. Sometimes I dream about TV. But the other day, it really hit me how much I needed to cut down. I was entertaining some guests at my home, and we were eating dinner in my dining room. I needed to get up and get the mustard out of the kitchen, and instead of saying, "Would you please excuse me?" I said, "I'll be right back after these messages." It was so embarrassing, I could barely even eat. I need help.
Group: That's right.
Cathy: My name is Cathy Rogers, and I'm a time waster.
Group: Hi, Cathy.
Cathy: People call me the mall lady because I've wasted so much time at the mall. By the way, those are nice pants. You get those at Schuster's?
Jeremy: Mhm.
Cathy: Thought so. See, it's gotten out of control. Last week a clerk at the mall had to cut up one of my credit cards. I had a funeral service for it. I buried it in the backyard, and then I started fantasizing that this big credit card tree would grow up. I need help.
Narrator: If you want help, you need to face your past. Both of you.
Jeremy: What?
Narrator: You need to confront your weaknesses.
Cathy: What are you talking about?
Jeremy: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I know you. You're Rodland Surly from The Twilight Zone. No wonder everything's so weird.
Cathy: Okay, so what do we do, Rodland?
Narrator: Go back and fix what you've lost. Redeem your past to correct your future.
Cathy: Wait, are you saying we can get all that time back?
Jeremy: But how?
Cathy: Just tell us what to do, where to go.
Narrator: Where would you expect to find your wasted past?
Cathy: The mall.
Jeremy: In front of a TV set.
Cathy: Osborn's at the mall. They sell TVs there.
Narrator: Then go and remember, if you fail, you will be stuck forever in The Twilight Zone.
Cathy: Let's go, Jeremy.
Jeremy: I'm right behind you.
Jeremy: This is Osborn's.
Cathy: Yeah. What do you think Rodland meant by confronting our past?
Jeremy: I don't know. Where are the TVs?
Cathy: Over there. Wait.
Jeremy: What?
Cathy: Look. That little girl. That's me.
Jeremy: And that boy is me. That's it. Confronting our past. Let's go talk to them.
Cathy (young): Jeremy, I need to get your opinion on this blouse. Do you like it?
Jeremy (young): Just a second. Here comes the funny part.
Cathy (young): Come on. Would you look? There's a huge sale over there and all the good stuff's going to be gone.
Jeremy (young): Hang on.
Jeremy (old): Excuse me, Jeremy?
Jeremy (young): Yeah.
Jeremy (old): Could I talk with you for a moment?
Jeremy (young): Can't wait until the commercial.
Cathy (old): Cathy?
Cathy (young): Who are you?
Cathy (old): Never mind that, but I'd like to talk to you.
Cathy (young): Tell you what. I'll talk if you let me know what you think of this outfit.
Cathy (old): Cathy, what I have to say to you is much more important.
Cathy (young): Forget it. If you want to talk to me about something important, it's going to take too long. I've got a sale to get back to.
Cathy (old): No, wait, don't leave. Cathy, why are you doing this?
Cathy (young): Doing what?
Cathy (old): Spending all of your time here? You practically live at the mall.
Cathy (young): So?
Cathy (old): Don't you have something better to do?
Jeremy (old): Yeah, and the same with you, Jeremy. All you do is watch TV.
Cathy (young): Can you keep it down a little?
Jeremy (old): No, I won't keep it down. You're wasting away your life. Go read a book or make a new friend or.
Cathy (old): Cathy, go practice your piano.
Cathy (young): I'll do it later.
Jeremy (old): No, no, you won't.
Cathy (young): Listen, I don't have time for this.
Cathy (old): Exactly, and you don't have time for shopping. Do something with your life.
Cathy (young): I am doing something. I'm practicing being a consumer.
Jeremy (old): Oh, come on, Cathy. Jeremy, can't you find something constructive to do? These are minutes you're never going to get back. Your whole future is at stake.
Cathy (young): Where's the volume on this thing? Listen, I've enjoyed our little talk, but there's a wool sweater over there calling my name. See you.
Cathy (old): No! No! Oh, it's no use.
Jeremy (old): They won't listen to us. What are we going to do?
Cathy (old): I don't think there's anything we can do. We're stuck here forever.
Narrator: Yes, stuck forever. In the entangling web of time gone by, the bottomless abyss of missed opportunities, the black hole of minutes lost. For Jeremy and Cathy, they learned the lesson that's been haunting man throughout the ages. Time stops for no one. You cannot go back to reclaim wasted time. You can only wander aimlessly in a world of regret. A world called The Twilight Zone. This is Kids Radio. Good night.
Focus on the Family: In Psalm 39, David wrote a song about how he was going to be careful in the way he acted because of how short life really is. As he said in verse 11, everyone's life is only a breath. God has offered us a wonderful gift by giving us life on Earth, and we should always honor that gift by not wasting our time here. It's easy to sit in front of the television or play video games or lie around doing nothing, but God wants us to find constructive things to do with our time because by doing so, we're making the most of God's precious gift of life. Well, that's all for now. If you ever want to write to us, just send your card or letter to Adventures in Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado 80995. Or in Canada, write to Box 9800, Vancouver, BC, V6B 4G3. And don't forget to ask about how you can get a copy of today's episode. It's called The Time of Our Lives. Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. The Time of Our Lives was written by Marshall Younger and directed by Paul McCusker. Our production engineer was Mark Drury and our executive producer was Chuck Bolte. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.